What are my fears and payoffs?
- Fear of confrontation - I can't handle confrontation - why not? What is my payoff?
1. Wanting to 'be nice' all the time (regardless of how the other person behaves) is a fast-track route to repressed bitterness, and sends clear messages to the insensitive that "I can be treated poorly".
2. Expectation of an angry encounter?
Since I have been hiding my truth—for the greater part of my life, it’s not so easy to just switch gears.

- fear of public speaking - not wanting to make a fool of myself.

- fear of making a fool of myself.

- fear of being disliked

From Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway - page 23

It can be seen that the secret in handling fear is to move yourself from a position of pain to a position of power. The fact that you have the fear then becomes irrelevant.

Let’s talk about the word “power.” Some people say that they do not like the concept of power and want no part of it. It is true that in our world the word “power” has some negative overtones. It often implies control over others, and, unfortunately, is often misused.

The kind of power I am talking about is entirely different. In fact, it makes you less manipulative of those around you, and certainly more loving. I am talking about power within the self. This means power over your perceptions of the world, power over how you react to situations in your life, power to do what is necessary for your own selfgrowth, power to create joy and satisfaction in your life, power to act and power to love.

This kind of power has nothing to do with anyone else. It is not egomania, but a healthy self-love. In fact, egomaniacs have absolutely no feeling of power—thus their compelling need to control those around them. Their lack of power leaves them perpetually in a state of fear, since their survival depends on the outside world. No one is more unloving than a person who can’t own his or her own power. Such people spend their lives trying to pull it out of everyone else. Their need creates all sorts of manipulative behavior.

The kind of power I’m talking about leaves you free, since you don’t expect the rest of the world to fill you up. It’s not the ability to get someone else to do what you want them to do. It’s the ability to get yourself to do what you want to do. If you do not own this kind of power, you lose your sense of peace. You are in a very vulnerable place.

Remember that much of the trick of moving from pain to power is taking action. ACTION IS VERY POWERFUL!

“Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.” It reminds me that you can drop an awful lot of excess baggage if you learn to play with life instead of fight it.

Five Truths about Fear
1. The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out . . . and do it.
3. The only way to feel better about myself is to go out . . . and do it.
4. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is
everyone else.
5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes
from a feeling of helplessness.

Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving. This was my first Thanksgiving alone in many years. I went into NYC and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. It was cold but fun. R&E and Diane invited me for dinner but I needed to be my own person and not rely on others or feel sorry for myself. I did go to Diane's after dinner for games and desert, it was fun.

I now have 3 days to do whatever I want before returning to work on Monday. I can do something useful or I can waste my time! Which will it be?

This morning I read a few pages of "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill I just finished page 39 and still in the introduction and talked about the power of desire. It has a lot of similarities in concept as "The Slight Edge" but is story based rather than practical instruction. There is one section that is practical and it lists 6 steps to achieving riches.
1. Fix the amount of money you desire, a real number.
2. Determine what you are willing to pay (sacrifice?) to get it.
3. Establish a date when you will have it.
4. Create a plan to get there and start immediately.
5. Write down your mission, the results of steps 1 through 4.
6. Read your mission twice a day: when you wake up and before you go to sleep. As you read, see and feel and believe you have already achieved your mission.

These six steps are aimed at money but apply equally to any dream. Sound familiar? It seems like I have read this same advice in several other books.

The basis of "The Slight Edge" has also been with me this morning: things that are easy to do and things that are easy not to do. I have already chosen to do a few things that are easy to do that I would not have done without that simple thought!

Simple thoughts that I will make into a habit:
- Things that are easy to do and things that are easy not to do
- Feel the fear ... but do it anyway
- What's the worst that can happen, what's the best?
- No decision is wrong, decision alternatives give different life experience!

The ES is not providing many tradable patterns. Austin is thinking he may not trade through the end of the year! I will use that time to sim trade to work on minimizing losses.
There are some items that still need to be worked on:
- The trade plan (business plan)
- When do I start trading real money
- The trading rules (entries, add on entries & trade management)

Today I made 2 trades a long for +1 and a short for -2.25 (slipped stop exit). The account P/L for the week sits at $0! (excluding commissions)